Monday, 21 November 2016

Life and all that comes with it

Ok so I have been absent for a little while and I just wanted to explain why. I have been off work poorly for a coupe of months now apart from one or two shifts where I tried to get back into the swing of things. I have visited the doctor more times than I can recall and after changing to a new GP I have finally gotten an answer for my various ailments. 

I found out I have fibromyalgia about two weeks ago now give or take. All of the little or seemingly seperate issues are actually symptoms of one bigger problem. Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain condition which can present itself in all manner of ways. My symptoms currently are - 

  • Widespread pain - neck, shoulders, back and legs in particular.
  • IBS - stomach cramps, abdominal pain and everything else that comes with it.
  • Chronic fatigue - unrefreshing sleep, constant tiredness and exhaustion.
  • Headaches and migraines - Mostly brought on by light sensitivity and stress.
  • Pins & needles - really intense in my feet and hands mostly.
  • Coldness - again mostly in hands and feet, painfully cold not just chilly. 
  • Brain Fog - forgetting words, names, places etc. This is the most frustrating for me.
  • Restless leg syndrome - constantly having to move legs to stop pain, worse when trying to sleep.
  • Anxiety and depression - I already suffered from both of these but this condition obviously exacerbates them both. 
So that's just a small idea of what I've been dealing with. The brain fog has reduced me to tears on a few occasions as I am an avid reader and learner, it makes me feel so stupid when it happens and is the most frustrating thing ever for a lover of words. The fatigue has actually taken over my life and its something that I really need to look at controlling better. I can sleep the day away and often wake still feeling tired. It sounds like a silly thing to get so annoyed with but it eats into my life so much. Mostly its the combination of all of them that makes life pretty difficult. And because its invisible, I can tell people don't really believe it sometimes. Its tough because it makes you feel like a fraud and a fake. I already feel so much guilt for asking for help or for not getting things done like I used to. Its an awful illness and is definitely debilitating. Its so frustrating, I find myself constantly trying to do everything I used to and then having to remind myself that I can't because I will be bed bound for days afterwards. 

I realise that you may not all care or wish to read about my issues but I needed to get them out ''on paper'' so to speak. So sorry for not being as fully present as I had hoped but I have a few lovely posts coming up so keep visiting to check them out!